I got 99 problems but quality ain’t one.

Musings from a Co-CEO ///

1. Ran out of toner while printing checks.
2. Paper cuts from printing checks.
3. Zoom keeps freezing.
4. Zoom keeps freezing.
5. Zoom keeps freezing.
6. Landline not connecting. 
7. I have to explain to Finance why we need to keep our landlines.
8. FC-branded masks won’t be ready in time to ship.
9. Two-hour roundtrip drive to pick masks up.
10. “E” key on keyboard sticking so all words look scared: “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!”
11. Dog needs to be let out.
12. Dog needs to be let in.
13. Every pen I pick up has no ink.
14. Kids scream only when I’m on a client call.
15. There are crumbs in my keyboard. #wasntme
16. My butt is asleep from sitting for so long.
17. Wi-Fi dead zones.
18. Back to back to back to back to back to back meetings.
19. My family thinks my desk is our dining room table. #theymayberight
20. Ugly coffee mugs.
21. Chipped coffee mugs.
22. No clean coffee mugs.
23. Slow decision-makers.
24. Not being able to share a link and a photo on the same LinkedIn post. (Wait. I figured this one out. A win!)
25. Forgetting that one hashtag on a LinkedIn post.
26. Realizing I typed “your” when it should have been “you’re”.
27. No one appreciates the Cowboys.
28. Thinking I’m muted. And I’m not.
29. I don’t have the corner on Dad Jokes.
30. Depleted what I thought was an endless supply of conference swag hand sanitizer.
31. Uber Eats is 30 minutes late.
32. Uber Eats is 45 minutes late.
33. Uber Eats is 2 hours late.
34. Uber Eats just cancelled my order.
35. My kid changed my Zoom name to World’s Greatest Farter and I didn’t notice.
36. I don’t remember how to pack for a conference.
37. I put my coffee in the fridge and heated the creamer in the micro.
38. That was the last of the creamer.
39. I wore my shirt inside out all day and no one said anything.
40. Twice.
41. Told my client I loved him and my wife I’d be a few min late to our meeting.
42. Accidental “reply all”.
43. My fish get in more steps a day than I do.
44. My wife threw away my Invisalign.
45. My wife pointed out that a dirty napkin is not a good place for me to store my Invisalign.
46. Laptop cameras add 10 pounds.
47. A worldwide pandemic adds 30 pounds.
48. My AirPods are connected to my phone…no, my tablet…no, my laptop…no, my phone…
49. Ran out of chunky peanut butter.
50. The Full Circle Qualitini only lives twice. #2021QuirksEvents
51. I don’t have enough subs for softball.
52. The rain didn’t stop in time for softball.
53. I’m too old to be playing softball.
54. I just made a TikTok.
55. I remembered to eat breakfast! So proud—until I realized it’s dinner.
56. My kid wants a cat.
57. My kid wants a cat.
58. My kid wants a cat.
59. My kid just made me sit through a PPT of why we need a cat.
60. We’re getting a cat.
61. We got a cat.
62. The dog haaaaaaaaaaates the cat.
63. We outgrew our Company Retreat beach bungalow. #goodproblem
64. We can’t fit all our Inc. 5000 wins around our logo. #humblebrag
65. The words “synergy,” “new normal” and “pivot”.
66. Doc says I need to drink more water.
67. Water tastes like water.
68. I miss Jeter.
69. The only clean mask in the house has straps fit for a toddler.
70. Find My Phone laughs at me.
71. There are too few places it’s acceptable to bust out a karaoke machine.
72. Bad pollsters are messin’ with our rep. (Ask me about #qualitypolling)
73. The cat thinks my chair is a scratching post.
74. The cat thinks my leg is a scratching post.
75. The cat thinks my face is a scratching post.
76. The fire alarm went off. There’s no fire. It’s 12:42a.
77. I missed my calling as a rock star.
78. We’re out of Trader Joe’s Pastry Pups.
79. California A.B. 2257.
80. Our new website will be ready on Monday.
81. Our new website will be ready on Wednesday.
82. Our new website will be ready whenever my VP, Marketing says it will be good and ready.
83. Arch Manning is probably not going to play for Maryland. [GOTERPS]
84. Halloween only comes once a year.
85. My wife’s favorite movie is Jumanji.
86. Not the one with Robin Williams.
87. There’s Movember. Why not Mapril? Or Muly?
88. The kids only left one Krispie Kreme donut.
89. It’s a cake donut.
90. Who the heck wants a Krispie Kreme cake donut?!
91. Deal or No Deal is underrated.
92. Pineapple pizza.
93. Not enough recipes include garlic.
94. I never win Fantasy Football.
95. My kid wants to go to college in England.
96. England is another country.
97. What’s wrong with Maryland?! [GOTERPS]
98. My VP, Marketing thought it’d be great to make me come up with 99 problems.
99. She knows where I live.